Vacation - The Florida Keys

Day six is our trip to Key West.  The Florida Keys, from Key Largo to Key West is about 100 mile drive. I have been in the keys a couple of time but no farther North than Key Largo. A 100 mile trip is normally a pretty easy drive but on the keys it takes three hours.

US-1 runs through the keys. Most of the trip is single lane in each direction with a few dual lane areas. The speed limit is 55 mph or lower. Each Key you cross is the equivalent of small town with stop lights and lower posted speed limits.

Remember that we drove my convertible to Florida and with this drive in mind. The weather is perfect, 85 degrees and sunny! It is about 9:30 and we stop at a small local dive for breakfast. Our table is under the front porch opened to everything and just about 8 feet from the convertible. The name of the joint was Mrs. Mac’s Kitchen. There were only four tables across the front of this place. Inside the place is a small counter and a few small tables in the front area with a few more in the back. There are over 700 reviews online for this restaurant and almost all of them are good. The food is what I would expect from a dive in the Midwest.

As you drive through the first few keys such as Plantation key, you lose sight of the water. When you get to Upper Matecumbe key you’ll cross a bridge about a half mile in length. The bridge between Upper and Lower Matehumbe is about 2 miles long. From Lower Matecumbe to Long key crossing the water is a combination of bridge and causeway. Long Key to Grass Key is a couple miles but you cross Conch Key and pass by Duck Key.

Grass Key, the speed limit is 45 mhp during the day and 35 mph at night. There are signs warning of deer crossing along the road. The deer on the keys are a subspecies of the same whitetail we have in the mid-west. They look like large dogs…maybe 60 to 70 pounds. They are on the endangered species list. I guess large numbers of these deer are killed by cars. Anyway…The Grass Key leads to Marathon Key, part of Marathon Key is a large state park. Again, Marathon key has the same speed restrictions due to the deer.

So…Marathon key leads to the seven mile bridge. This is the coolest part of the trip. Nothing but water on the South side of bridge and parts of the old or original bridge on the north side. I read that the original seven mile bridge was part of a rail road bridge. The rail road was the only way to get from Miami to Key West other than by boat or plane.  At the end of Seven Mile Bridge is Big Pine Key.

The cool thing about Big Pine Key is that is was named by Pirates who would anchor in the channel to the south of the island. Anyway, the rest of the trip is across several more keys over 20 miles or so. When you get on Key West it is wild how almost every square inch of the island has something on it. The homes have that island bungalow look. The streets are narrow and crawling with people. It is nice to visit but I wouldn’t want to stay there for more than a few days. It is too confining.

Part of what makes the drive through the keys so pleasant is how much ocean you see. The water color from key to key changes from a blue-green to green to bright blue; it’s absolutely incredible. Being from the Midwest it is always a pleasant site to see palm trees, beaches and the ocean. On the keys you are surrounded by the palms, sand and water. It is a drive everyone should experience once in the life. 

Vacation Day 5

Day 5

Day five starts out very early. We  hired a fishing guide to take us out on late Okeechobee. We are to be the before 7:00 a.m. and it is about an 85 mile drive from our condo. The drive is easy, I-95 to I-595/I-75 then north on highway 27. The trip north on highway 27 is partially through the Everglades and then it is sugar cane fields on either side of the road. There is virtually no civilization between I-595/I-75 and the town or Clewiston which is our final destination. The thing that struck me as we traveled north was how dark it was. No street lights, no little towns, no houses! There was nothing for miles and miles until a Domino Sugar Processing plant and then a lot of nothing and darkness until Clewiston.

I have GPS on my phone which I used a lot during the vacation but I had just written down the directions to the marina in Clewiston. Now Google map is pretty good but when it is off it is way off, usually it is off in rural areas. In this case Google maps was off by a few blocks and it had our turn off the main street onto the street the marina was located on but that wasn’t the case.  We had to stop and ask. While Jackie was getting directions I entered the address in my phone so we had clear directions either way.

We arrive at the Roland Martin Marina just in time and our guide is waiting.  Jackie and I use the bathroom, buy or fishing license and a cup of coffee. The sun is just starting to come up so in the boat and off we go. We start in a small marina area, to get to the main lake we have to go through a lock because the lake is surrounded by a large dyke and the lake is also part of an intercostal water way. Once we pass through the lock we have an idle zone. Once out of the idle zone our guide takes off maintaining a speed that Jackie has never experienced on the water prior.

Side note:  Now, I had never fished on Okeechobee so this would be new water for me. The name Okeechobee means big water and this is the biggest fresh water lake in Florida, seventh largest in the US at 730 square miles. The average depth of this lake is only 9 feet so in any wind it will get rough fast.

We arrive at the spot we are to fish. The guide drops an anchor from the front and has some type of power pole “thing” on the back that drives itself into the lake bottom which holds the back in place. The first cast for me yields a 6 pound 3 once largemouth. Jackie caught a 3 ½ pounder, I caught 4 ¾ pounder, we both catch several other 2 to 3 pound fish. Overall a very productive day on the water.

The rest of the day was pretty predictable. We lounged around the pool. Both Jackie and I took a nap and we went out for diner. Day five was over! Day six is a trip to the Alligator Safari Park/Airboat Ride tourist trap!

Vacation Day 3 and 4

Day 3

I can’t sleep in. I suppose it is from years of getting up early. I tried sleeping in but kept waking up every few minute so I got up and made a Greek Frappe. This has been my morning choice for a coffee drink for years. After breakfast a walk on the beach and we would hang out by the pool.

I brought up the fact that you always over pack for trips like these. If you stay in a condo like we do you always end up doing laundry so most of the clothes you take with you aren’t even needed. Take underwear, I have to make sure I have one clean pair for each day plus a couple of extra. Socks is the same, need extra socks. Extra shoes too. We still ended buying some t-shirts at the beach shop and a department store on day three. So more than half the clothes I took didn’t even get used and then I bought more!!!

So the afternoon is spent around the pool or on the beach which brings me to the sun. If I spend 5 minutes in the sun I burn. I wear spf 50 for crying out loud! One of my facebook friends made fun of my white legs, they would have been whiter if I had not spent some time in the sun already. Anyway, my head was sunburned a couple of times. After being in the sun for 45 minutes I will be burnt and  for three days  my chest will be red. My head, face, nose and arms are pealing. I had to cautiously spend my time in the sun. Jackie spends 5 minutes in the sun and is immediately tan.

The evening of the third day was spent at the Hard Rock Casino. First of all I hate this casino; not because I lost…I always lose. This casino is the most confusing place I have ever been in. I’m sure some expert designed the layout for the purpose maximizing the amount of money gambled by people.

A side note: When we eat out I usually order ice tea, unsweetened and with NO lemon. When I receive my ice tea it almost always has the lemon wedge ( I didn't ask for) on the glass. They get the unsweetened part correct but can never get the lemon thing right. Second, I order a Caesar salad with no croutons and the dressing on the side which they can always manage to get correct. So why is it so damn hard to forget the lemon wedge in my case? Anyway, we ate at one of the 18 restaurants at the casino. It was a Tex-Mex kind of place. It was very pricey and really wasn’t that good.  

Day 4

Day four and our friends are meeting us at our condo for a day on the beach or around the pool. Again, me being the original white man I needed to be careful in the sun. The first thing I do is put SPF 50 on while Jackie puts on accelerator. Day four was also the day we were reunited with Sid.

Now at 11:00 a.m. we have to sit through a time share sales pitch. Jackie’s mom gets some kind of points for us sitting through the damn thing and hey what is hour out of your life anyway? First we sit through the first sales person trying to convince us that the time share thing will fit nicely into our lifestyle. Second we have to sit through her boss trying to sell us on the same idea only at a reduced price and third is the final “Guido” type guy making an even better offer and then tell us goodbye since we didn’t buy the timeshare. This was a painful process but we got a $100.00 AMEX gift card and free weekend at another timeshare where we will be subjected to the same sales process all over again! 

Before we head back to the condo, where our friends are lounging around the pool we decide to stop and get some fried chicken for an easy lunch. We head back to the closet store which is the Winn Dixie where we first encountered the plastic surgery queen. Now in the Mid-west you can encounter rude people but for the most part I consider this one of the friendliest areas of our country. Not the case in south Florida where I think it is a prerequisite that you be an ass&%$#! In general I found the people that worked at the stores and the shoppers to be pretty rude. Well, we bought our chicken and heading back to the condo.

On the beach we people watched. Again it was a freak show. Next to us were two men that I never was able determined their county of origin but their sexual orientation was never in question.  A few spots down were a group of “booty-luscious” ladies. Next to them was an older couple. On the other side of us were a mother and daughter who were whiter than me, yes it is possible for someone to be more white than me.

First to the old couple, it was windy and the waves coming in were pretty rough. The old man decided to head in to the water where he was hammered by a wave and knocked down into the water. This guy couldn’t get up so several people rushed to his aid. This was when we first notice the “booty-luscious” ladies. These ladies were not dressed in the normal beach attire; no, no, no! These ladies had on halter tops and black spandex shorts. As far as the two gents, all I can say is that they were posing for each other as they took photos of one another. 

Almost forgot the mother  and daughter. These two were also not wearing the normal beach attire. They had sun dresses on and they were whiter than me. Now every day these balloon looking like jelly fish kept washing up on the beach. The girl in the mother daughter duo was trying to help one of these jellyfish back into the water. This went on for a long time. She would move it close to the water and the waves would push it back up on the beach. Back and forth, back and forth! 

To finish day four Jackie and I ate left over fired chicken and watch a little TV. We had an early and long drive so we had to get to bed early.  

Vacation: Day 1 and 2

Driving to Florida in my convertible was going to be fun, or so I thought. To pack the car we had to use small suitcases and wedge a few things in the spaces in between. There was no room for anything extra. We packed a few things in the back seat which is a seat in name only, no one could ride there so the car is effectively a two seater. After all, you never wear everything you take. If you are like Jackie and I you will do laundry in your condo and buy at least a few t-shirts while you are there...this trip was no exception. I think I bought 6 t-shirts and one pair of swimming trunks and Jackie bought a couple of pairs of shorts, a halter top and a few t-shirts.

We were packed; everything was ready so I had the bright idea to just leave Wednesday night. I thought we could drive through one tank of gas then stop for the night. The first problem with my idea was that my car gets better gas mileage then I though. The second problem; that it was not as easy to find a vacant hotel room. Regardless it turned out okay.

Vacation, you always forget something… We forgot Sid! Sid has traveled with us on a number of trips and felt as if we couldn’t leave him behind on the trip. Sid flew down on Friday with some friends and we hooked up with him on Saturday. This is Sid on the airplane:

Sid is the original Party Animal and you can see he had an enjoyable time on the airplane.

Now, I have to admit that after 3 hours in my car I was beginning to realize how absolutely uncomfortable the thing actually is. Thursday we spent about 10 hours driving in the car which made me even sorrier we had driven it.  Actually, I was sorry I had driven the convertible until we were about 75 miles into Florida. I put the top down on the car and we drove to our hotel, 80 degrees and sunshine.

The drive to our final destination on Friday was only about 250 miles. We could take our time, see the sights and drive with the top down. I’m now glad we drove the car, we had to put up with a little discomfort but it was worth it.  …my head got sunburned too! I decided to head through the country but bailed on the idea of seeing the country when we realized that the most exciting site was “Yeehaw Junction” which was just a junction in the road. I found a way back to the interstate and we headed on to the condo.

We had checked inn to our condo, kind of unpacked and headed to the Winn Dixie for a few supplies and staples for the week. We had no intention of cooking for ourselves so we purchase a few snacks, coffee, etc. Winn Dixie is where I saw this lady who had obviously had been through several different surgical procedures. My guess is that she is one of the those people who are addicted to plastic surgery or she was one hell of an ugly lady to start with and what you could see was an improvement; I really don’t know which it is but she was not a pretty lady.

I found myself staring at her, I couldn’t look away! If I could describe her look it would be one of recent nose because there had to still be some swelling, eye work, the face lift that pulled her lips taught combined with some kind of lip implant or Botox that gave her a Neanderthal look. Add to this her stringy hair, breast and butt implants and she was a sight to see; freakish sight to see.

Once back at the condo we ordered a pizza and settled in for the evening…and that was the end of days one and two. 

The Buzz Words - I hated Buzz Words!

There was just a commercial on TV for an airline. The premise is that two co-workers are traveling on sales meetings to see clients or prospective clients. The one salesperson continually uses the buzz word “win-win.” This got me thinking about all the business buzz words I heard during my corporate career. There were times that I would have rather gouged my eyes out then have to sit through another meeting full of overused buzzwords or phrases. Here is a short list, I do mean short because I could write pages and pages of them. 

Action items – as in we have a list of things that need done to complete the damn project.

Accountability – as if we are all running around willy nilly with no supervision whatsoever.

Benchmark, benchmarking, or benchmarks – as in something we need to use to measure our success or lack of.

Big picture - Good lord...this word should have been used for a drinking game. 

Brainstorm or brainstorming - Usually means: "We are stumped and can't figure out what to do next!"

Bucketize – We are going to lump projects, customers, products and or problems into groups and call it “bucketizing the ____!” Now it sounds so much, much cooler.

Buy-in – As in we need everyones buy in.

Champion when it is used as a verb or “who will champion this project?” Instead of: "who will do the damn job?" oooo, Bob is the "champion" of the project, yeah Bob!

Client or customer focused – as if we were not customer focused we had to be reminded of this.

Core competencies – I just vomited in mouth when I remember how much this phrase was used.

Drill down – As is drill down the numbers, drill down the data, drill down...drill d............

Drop back and punt – I really hated sports phrases. It was always the jock that had the biggest arsenal of them too.

Downsize – Upsize.

Enable

Empower – if I had a nickel for each time I heard this phrase….

Fast-track – As in gotta make it happen so we will “fast-track” it but really it still take just as long to get it done but we said "fast track" so everyone will think we are working really, really, really hard!

Game changing or Game Changer – Usually used by the dumb jock when realized he made a mistake in his business plan or white paper and now has to cover up for that fact. 

Glass is half full or glass is half empty. Nothing to say!

Goal-orientated – NO…I’m not goal orientated, I have no goals, no plans, nothing in mind at all. I don’t want to accomplish a damn thing.

Heavy lifting – usally used by the guy or lady who felt as if they were the only one doing the work or doing the hard work.

Impact…!!!

In the loop – as in “keep me in the loop!” I always wanted to say: “nope, we’re leaving you in the dark on this one!”

Leadership… Nope not a leader in the bunch!

Leading or cutting edge – used when we really think we got something good or when or competition was kicking our ass and we’re actually being honest.

Low hanging fruit – as in the easy sales, easy job to complete…Good phrase if you own an apple orchard. 

Low risk high yield or return

Matrix …bla, bla, bla….

Mindset

Mission Critical – the most crucial aspect of the job! As if we couldn’t figure it out, thanks for the “buzz word!”

Monetize –  Can we monetize it? how can we say we want to put a cost to it other than saying: “can we put a cost to it?”

Networking -

Not rocket science…nothing we ever did was!

On the same page – just want to make sure we all agree.

Opportunity when it is really a problem we are talking about…it sounds better when we call it an “Opportunity.”

Out of the loop

Out of the box – Oh no, I’m going to try thinking about the same old ideas and nothing new.

Ownership – Yup, it is my project, they are my clients and yes this is my problem!

Paradigm – just overused…bla, bla!

Peel the onion/layers of the onion – One of my favorites… “Let us just take a minute to peel the onion back!”

Ramp up – Instead of getting ready too or preparing too.

Regroup – as in we screwed up and now we have a problem we need to fix.

Rubber stamp – Yup, the boss, corporate or customer okayed it

Synergy or synergize – We have something in common, common goals or services that might just be complimentary to each other.  

Touch base – I will talk to you or talk to him or her…

Turn key

Train wreck – It is FUBAR

Value added – We giving something to the customer for free that they will not really appreciate… and we know it…so we say it is “value added” hoping we can make ourselves feel better about giving it away for free!

White board – “We’ll white board it!” Another way to say brainstorm and a way to waste a perfectly good few hours listening to the jock use sports metaphors to impress the boss.  

Elvis is dead and I’m not feeling too good myself: My Midlife Crisis.

As I write I can’t help but wonder how many people will read this. Truthfully this is a pretty open and honest personal assessment of this stage of life. Believing that this decade, my fourties have  been and will continue to be one of the best times in my life.  I find myself feeling a little bit obsessed with the questions: “Does my life matter?” and “What is next?”

The whole idea of me going through a midlife crisis is kind of offensive when someone else suggest it but not when I look at it for myself. So what does Elvis have to do with my midlife crisis? Nothing and it doesn't make sense. A midlife crisis doesn’t make sense to me either but here I am.

I found this mid-life crisis “symptom sampler” online. Symptoms are: insomnia, fatigue, weight gain, despair, morbidity, inability to concentrate, regret for roads not taken or other things in life you have not achieved or realized, dread that life holds no more surprises, regrets, sharp longing for something (a gunmetal Porsche, a cigarette boat) etc. I want to explore some of these and a few of my own observations of what may be my midlife crisis.

Insomnia. Yup, I don’t sleep as well anymore. I really didn’t think this was a sign of a mid-life crisis. I feel more bored with life right now and my thought is that insomnia is somehow a byproduct of feeling a little “lost in the woods.”

I’m taking longer to recover from injuries and illness. Morbidity. I have to laugh; I really don’t get over things as fast. I was hit with a case of prostatitis about a year and a half ago. Man that was a real bummer especially when I thought about. Having any kind of prostate problem makes you realize you’re getting a little older.  Not mention the fact that you can pull a muscle easier or just have a pain or ache that you can’t explain. The “morbidity” factor or the increased probability that I will become ill or have a health issue isn’t a pleasant thought.

I’ve noticed  I don't have as much physical stamina as you used to have. Twenty years ago I would have said; “a nap, what on earth is that?” Now I look forward to a nap.

I had put on more than a few pounds and was feeling a little overweight. I think vanity becomes a bit of an issue during the mid-life crisis. I have lost weight and I work out a little more. The idea that I hear the words “you look good” is a nice ego boost for me. When you reach this age I think your ego starts to become somewhat bruised by the fact that you won’t get a second look from a member of the opposite sex. It isn’t a matter of a younger lady wanting me, it is the fact you want to be noticed.

I’m going to have to get reading glasses to make out the small print. You can only look over the top of your glasses so long before even that does not work. This is one thing that is really pissing me off. I do not want bifocals…nope, not at all.

I feel anxious about the future, or maybe I’m just generally anxious and don't know exactly how to explain it.  It has slowly dawned on me that I’ll probably never solemnly swear to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution, write a novel or realize the big idea or dream of greatness. My big boyhood dreams were precious, and it's easy for me feel like a failure when it's clear that most of my dreams are dead. It is somewhat cruel from the standpoint that some of your dreams or ambitions are tattered at midlife and at a time when so many things come together in a good way.  

I think I have been feeling a little depressed. Oh, I don’t think I have had bout of clinical depression but I’ve probably been depressed. I have noticed I’m more irritable and more emotional in general. There has been comfort in solitude for last several months. It isn’t that I want to ignore anyone but the soul searching involved in trying to set directional goals doesn’t allow for multi-tasking. Not that I was able to multi-task anyway.

Life isn't as much fun as it used to be so I find myself going with the flow more. I don’t know if “going with the flow” more is a bad thing for me or not. I have always been one to want things planned out and needing to know all the details..the who, want, when and where. I liked things regimented and organized now I really don’t care if they are or not.

I have started to question the value of what I do for a living, and can't think of what would fire my passion or enthusiasm. I can't seem to decide if I make decisions as easily as I used to. I wonder if I have lost some confidence in my abilities. I don’t have that reckless enthusiasm for my work like I did when I was 25. Today, I think that I am more patient, methodical and analytical when faced with making decisions.  Regardless if it is a lack of confidence or just being more intentional with my decisions I defiantly take more time. This is probably a good thing overall since I take less chances and think things out in more detail. The real issue would come from a lack of action or decision making…or getting locked into indecision; so far that is not the case.

I think I have become more nostalgic.  The Longing for my youth again! Well I suppose the boy is dead, and so are most of his dreams. It's probably important to admit they're gone, sit quietly for a while, and then move on. So grieving may be required…boo hoo…that is done.  But if I cling to the persona of youth (to quote someone: "prop up the corpse" oh great, my memory is going too), I will find myself trapped in regret and nostalgia for the past. Maybe some regret is good? If I didn’t regret some things I would probably repeat those actions or lack of actions, now I can decide based on past experience to do things differently. As far as regret for roads not taken, without knowing what was on that road I don’t know how I could have a regret. Maybe the road I didn’t take would have been a disaster, maybe it would have been great but I won’t know. You can’t regret what you don’t know you missed.

Do I have longing for something? Well I didn’t buy the cigar boat but I did buy the gunmetal grey convertible. The car has been called my midlife crisis and in part I guess it is. Joking I suppose you could say it is my welcome to midlife present. I think the real longing is for a new set of goals and challenges.

I used the term feeling like “I’m lost in the woods.” This is the best metaphor to describe being in-between goals. Twenty, ten or five years ago I knew exactly what I wanted; the goals were in my mind. Today I feel a bit directionless since I can’t figure out what I want my next set of goals to be.

I’ve heard that we should enjoy the journey more and stop focusing so much on the destination. The question for me becomes, if I’m ever going to fully appreciate this part of the trip, how will I  learn to swim around in more ambiguous waters i.e. have goals again. I’m cause and effect. I want rules that are clear cut and I want everything to make sense. Everything come downs to the bottom line or it should be black and white so I don’t really like the grey area of the journey called a “midlife” crisis.

After this little examination of my midlife crisis I have to ask: Where is the logic in expecting things, life and people to make sense?  Where is the logic in expecting things to be black and white? I guess I shouldn’t expect things to make sense; nothing really does at this stage of life. Come to think of it; from my birth until now why should any of the stuff in between make sense either?

So it is with a smile on my face that I say: “Elvis is still dead but I feel a little better now!” 

A few great moments in life don't define us.

You have probably heard people say that life comes down to just a few great moments. If you are worried about what others think of you then yes it does come down to a few great moments.  But I think it is the moments that slip by quietly that really make us into who we are. The moments of simple pleasures, the moments of trials and sorrow all come together to mature and shape us into who we are today.

What are really great moments anyway? I don’t consider becoming the owner of three businesses or realizing goals as great moments. I don’t think receiving an award was a great moment. I don’t even consider being recognized at the mini mart for having been on TV as a great moment.  There were times I was brave or self-sacrificing but I don’t think they are what shaped me.  

A good moment my life: The night my oldest son discovered the moon. Michael and I were driving to our home on Highway 46 in Clay County. We were heading east as the moon started to appear over the tree row. Michael in the most excited voice asked: “dad, what is that!”  My answer was "That is the moon Micheal."  His replay: "Oh, the moon!" When think of this moment it always brings a smile to my face.

A series of good moment in my life: When Jackie makes a “funny.”  There is a certain amount of satisfaction Jackie gets from making a funny and it is heartwarming to see her when she does. I think I rubbed off on her more then she would want to admit but this is a good moment.

A tough moment in my life: Watching either of my boys taken in for surgery. Michael and Stephen both have had surgeries, Michael once and Stephen three times. Stephen’s third surgery was the hardest. The nurse and anesthesiologist put Stephen in a race car type wagon and took him to the operating room.   As they disappeared down the hallway my heart broke.

A good moment in my life: My first trip to New York City. I was so amazed by the site and still think of seeing the skyline for the first time.

A good moment: Anytime I can connect with someone else through laughter. Also, laughing until it hurts and then laughing more.

A very hard moment: When I had to say goodbye to my friend knowing he would soon pass away. Although goodbyes in general are hard, the finality of saying goodbye to someone dying doesn’t have the sting of saying goodbye to someone who is leaving for an extended period of time.

Great Moment:  Finding I daughter I didn’t have. I should probably say having a daughter I didn’t have find me.

Both a hard moment and good moment:  The death of my dad. I was told by someone at my father’s funeral that his death will never stop hurting but as time passes it just won’t hurt as often. So it was hard because it hurt. It was a great moment because of how much I grew after his death. 

A hard moment in my life: Allowing my children to pay for the mistakes they make.

Good moments: Watching Stephen’s enthusiasm for his work and how he really excels at the job…when he shows up on time. Watching Michael study for school at one of the tables at the coffee grounds and thinking he has found his footing in life. Hearing Talita talk about the “gross” medical things she has learned and experienced while she oozes determination with a bit of reluctant passion.  I know all three of my kids will make it!  


I think I am who I am because of the small moments moments above and many more such as: Mrs. Workman Splitting a piece of gum four ways. Jimmy hooking his dad in the back on a fishing trip. Ramping my moped over cans. Fishing with bacon, cutting my arm open, swimming in the creek, wrecking the truck, cleaning the dock at Roadway, listening to my dads stories, my 21st birthday and on and on. These are all part of what shaped me.