Every Florida vacation you have to go to at least one cheesy tourist trap attraction. From a crappy museum to a dirty animal park, I would be whiling to bet the majority of us have been to one these places. This trip to Florida was no exception. We or should I say I chose Gator Park. This place has a Miami address but it is way out on the edge of the Everglades.
Okay, so the top on the car is down. We are driving along the edge of the everglades on hwy 41 yes, it is US highway 41. It is a beautiful drive, the sun is shining and we are on vacation headed for a Alligator park and an air boat ride in the everglades.
You have to understand that I have a fascination with alligators. I wouldn’t have an alligator for a pet but I think they are really cool. These are one of the most amazing creatures on the planet. Example: did you know if an alligator eats something but its body temperature isn’t high enough it will die? The reason is that the meat or whatever the gator eats will spoil in the alligator’s stomach therefore poisoning the gator. Also, these things can live to be 50 years old!
Okay, back to Gator Park. I’m pretty excited as we pull into the parking lot. To my left are several airboats lined up with the airboat captains standing under a small shelter. Each captain is sporting his or her safari garb looking uniform including hat. The airboats are sitting on a narrow canal that looks as if it disappears into the “wild” everglades. This gives us the perception that once we leave on the boat we may never find our way back!
We have to buy a ticket for the park in the gift shop. Surprise, they always find a way to get you in the gift shop. The guys behind the counter have the same safari garb type uniforms one which takes away from the mystery of the air boat captains. Anyway, we buy or tickets which are $22.00 a piece for the air boat ride and the animal show. When they give you your tickets they also hand you disposable ear plugs which add a new level of excitement when you think “I must have ear protection!” Oh, we had a coupon book so we got a “buy one ticket get one free” which made me happy after the airboat trip but we’ll get to that in a minute. The boat doesn’t leave till 10:00 a.m. so we wait.
Time to get on the boat and we are the last two on. The boat has five rows of bench seats and each seat holds five people. Jackie and I get on the boat so there are twenty-six people on the boat, one captain and twenty-six dumb ass tourists. The captain gives us a few cautionary instructions intended for our protection but also with a low level of theatrics for additional effect. Everybody is instructed that alligators can jump up to three feet in the air so keep your body parts inside the boat. We are also told that we will be told when to use our earplugs.
The captain unties the boat and jumps in. The engine revs to life and slowly moves forward to a small area that we can turn around and head down the canal. The engine dies and we cost a few yards were the captain points out the first alligator named pork chop or something stupid like that. It is obvious this alligator is tame and probably been raised by the people at Gator Park. This aside, I’m still pretty excited because we will be heading into the “wild” everglades.
The boat roars to life again and ten seconds later it is shut off so the captain can point out a tree and in the tree is a bird. Boat roars to life again and ten seconds later it is shut off again so the captain can point out s turtle. This happens several more times and each time it is to point out something I have seen before. I’m really getting pissed off because I want to see wild alligators not a tree, turtle, bird, plant or frog. Boat engine running, boat engine off and BINGO an alligator, the first alligator and all you can see is his head but that doesn’t curb my excitement to see one in the wild.
The boat captain asked us if we want a crazy or easy boat ride through the everglade. Everyone in the boat yells crazy so he tells us to put in the earplugs and off we’ll go. The airboat engine winds up and we pick up speed down the canal and a turn out into the open everglades. We are moving pretty fast when the captain turns the boat and it gently jumps to the side throwing water over everyone in the boat. Turn, gentle jump, water over the boat, turn, jump, water, this goes on several times before the engine stops and the boat coasts to a stop. Our “crazy” boat ride lasted about two minutes and I’m pissed off because I have swamp water on my glasses! The captain jumps out of the boat, talks about the everglades for about five minutes and off we go again.
Turn, gently jump, splash, turn gently jump, splash. Damn the captain, while we were stopped I dried the swamp water off my glasses and now I have swamp water all over me. I hate getting wet with water from a lake or stream. Do you know what kind of germs, bacteria and pathogens are in swamp water? Have you every watch the survivor guy on Discovery Channel, he never drinks water like this without boiling it first…do you know why? Because he doesn’t want to get sick and I’m in an airboat getting sprayed with dirty swamp water!
So 2 minutes later we head down another canal and off goes the engine. The captain points out another weed, turtle and bird. Engine on and ten seconds later engine is off for the captain to point out an alligator. I don’t even try to look for this alligator because I just don’t care, I have swamp water on me and I can think about now is some kind of swamp sickness. The rest of the airboat ride is boat on, ten second and boat off, boat on and ten seconds later boat off, on, off, on, off until the ride is over and I thank God it is over!
Now before we could get out of the boat the captain informs us that he works for tips and everything is appreciated. People start getting out of the boat but we wait a little for some of the folks to clear off the dock. Some of the older folks were still on the boat. The captain made sure he positioned himself so no one could go by him without looking at him, probably to maximize his tips.
Anyway we are on the dock and a gentlemen seated in from of us is having a hard getting out of the boat. Our captain move toward us to make sure he gets his tips from us but ignores the guy trying to get out of the boat. I hand the captain a tip and head over to help get this guy up onto the dock. I reach down with both of my hand and grab his hand to steady him. He pulls up as I lean back and he steps up with no problem. He thanks me and hands the captain his tip.
Now…there is a rather large older lady who can’t get out of the boat, same process but she doesn’t have enough strength and I don’t have enough weight on me to pull her onto the dock. Boat captain is watching as she hands me a tip that was intended for him. The lady then gets on her hand and knees on the boat seat and crawls onto the dock. She still isn’t to her feet yet and I’m trying to help her, the captain is trying to help her and both of us combined cannot lift this lady to her feet. Another park employee comes over to help and I get out of the way. She finally uses a post on the dock, the captain and park employee to help her to her feet.
The next part of or Gator Park adventure is over to the live gator show. Again, thinking of how much I like alligators I’m excited again. Everyone sits down and the show begins. A “Jungle Jim” type guy starts talking to us about the Florida Wildlife such as alligators, snakes and such. He shows us a toad, a raccoon, a bird, and then the alligator in the pen with him. He actually has Jackie kiss the toad, you can see the photo of this on her facbook page.
At the end of the 10 minutes show Jungle Jim tells us he works for tips so out comes the wallets again. He also tells us we can have our photos taken with a 4 foot alligator named Larry, oh and tips are encouraged and appreciated for this opportunity too. A four foot alligator has reached the level of maturity that affords him the luxury of being at the top of the food chain in the Florida swamp. So holding a four foot gator is really kind of cool.
Okay so here is my summary of Gator Park. The airboat ride was horrible, too short and finished with me helping an old man and overweight old lady out of the boat. Who knows what type of bacteria was sprayed on me by the boat captain’s “thrill” driving. The “Gator Park Famous Wildlife Show” was cheesy and really pretty weak. I was disappointed. The Gator Park website promised so much more. I was glad we got a 2 for 1 ticket deal.
So if you want to be disappointed by a short bacteria filled airboat ride and the “Famous Wildlife Show” then Gator Park is for you! Here is the web site: http://www.gatorpark.com/
By the way, we did get our photo taken holding Larry the alligator.
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