10 New rules for the road

1.       I don’t have a navigation buddy on the dash of my car. If you do then use the damn thing, you know who you are! I don’t care that you are about to miss your exit but don’t slam on your to make the exit.  I don’t care how freaking far you have to backtrack just tell Tom Tom you screwed up and he will adjust your route…okay?

2.       You have Xenon headlights? Well I have a handful of loose change just for you. The next time someone with a jacked up SUV or truck tailgates me with these headlights I’m tossing a handful of loose change in the air. Either you will back off or buy new headlights, paint and windshield. Trust me; I have lots of loose change in my vehicles!

3.       Look; the left lane on the interstate is for passing not parking. If you have to pass get it over and done with and get out of the left lane! Motorcyclist, this goes for you too. I know you have a disadvantage because of your size. I also know that people can’t or don’t see you as well as a vehicle but please don’t sit in the left lane.

4.       Speaking of left lane bandits. There is a crazy standard feature that every passenger car and truck will have attached to the windshield; its called a rearview mirror. Can everyone say that? Lets try together;  R E A R… V I E W …M I R R O R! Good, now let me tell what it is for. This devise is for seeing behind your vehicle. Now when you are parked in the left lane and you can’t see the last car behind you because of all the other cars, it is time to move to the right lane! Thanks for your cooperation in advance.

5.       No more big tailpipes on small cars! What the hell is this all about? I’m sorry but I’m going to get crud. Is the size of your tailpipe directly related to the size of your rectum? So you are driving a 1991 rusted out Honda Civic, you somehow think that a huge “buzzer” type tailpipe makes the car much cooler? Really? Your just an idiot and shouldn’t be on the road. I’m sure that the phrase “survival of the fittest” will apply to your life someday.

6.       Don’t make eye contact with other drivers unless you intend to yield your right of way.

7.       Green Lights. Just because you witnessed a green light at an intersection once doesn’t mean it is okay for you to proceed regardless of the current state of the light at your present intersection. If it is red you stop, green you go! No really, that is how it works.

8.       Parking. SUV’s and Trucks are not compact cars people. Plan accordingly when parking okay?

9.        Alright Jackwagons, First of all I want you all to buy a belt and pull your damn pants up. Second I want you to drive sitting up rather than laying back. You have to be able to see over the steering wheel when you drive… so sit up and drive right.

10.   Last, Littering! It is time to start showing the Ad Council TV commercials again. You remember the ads? The commercials with the Indian crying? I am stunned at time to see the amount of litter next to the roads. Okay…while we are on this. TRUCKERS, if you are going to urinate in a water bottle, milk jug, gatoraide bottle, please throw it in the trash and not along the interstate exit and entrance ramps. Please! This is just gross.  

I have some money, I want to buy something!

In the late 80’s and early 90’s we experienced a downturn. During this time there was a re-discovery of good customer service.  I had worked in the Automobile Vehicle Rental Business and Auto Industry during this time. Books such as Raving Fans were considered the bible for good service. Retailers such as Nordstrom’s were referenced as the Gold Standard of exceptional customer service. Companies began to focus on customer satisfaction and the CSI or Customer Service Index and performance measurement in most industries mainstream. We had been through the down times of the 70’s and early 80’s and companies realized how valuable it was to retain each customer. 

The automobile industry embraced CSI programs. Dealerships had certain thresholds to meet based on their CSI index that were tied to KPI’s or Key Performance Indicators. Companies such as CSI Complete sprang up to fill the need for outside call centers to survey customers.  Each customer had value measured in life cycle of the product they purchased and a company’s ability to maximize the revenue stream created during that life cycle. Higher quality products along with better service was the norm not the exception 

What happened to good customer service? The middle and late 90’s…that’s what! Business starting picking up, times weren’t quite as tough with plenty to go around. Prices were low on the items we wanted. In 1987 we paid $500.00 for a four head hi-fi VCR. Ten years later we paid $70.00. Our first home PC cost just over $2000.00, today we have two lap tops which combined barely cost over $1500.00. We had six rental car locations around Indy, the unemployment rate reach 2.5% in Marion county and you could not find employees. We were all making money and lots of it. Businesses knew the customers would be there. 

So what is missing from this recession? A customer service revival is missing. So what happened to good customer service? How often do you enter a store, any store and are unable to find what we need and furthermore you are unable to find a clerk to help you. When you do find a clerk he or she informs you that they can’t help you because they don’t work in that department, or they just don’t know. As a consumer there is no sense of urgency to gain and retain my business on the part of retailers or vendors.

Today make things worse, U.S. companies began outsourcing call center needs to companies abroad.  Automated operators have made your purchasing and service experience more frustrating. We buy online and have no interaction with a person at all. Most online retailers do not have a phone number you can call.  The personal experience is almost gone. We as a society with lose our ability to interact with each other at this rate.

As a business owner today, we have vendors we spend thousands of dollars with. A couple of these vendors have terrible service but their competition isn’t any better. Orders consistently wrong, pricing messed up or they don’t have what we order.  I want to yell: “I have some money, I want to buy something!”  

I really don’t understand how these places can stay in business and why they don’t really care. In our business, granted we sell drinks ranging from $1.50 to $5.35 but every customer is important. That customer that spends $1.60 with me every day is crucial because they spend $1.60 five days a week. Like I said, I don’t understand! I want to gain and retain every customer I can, they’re important to me and so is how I treat them. I wish I could say the same for a lot of other places out there today.  

Here is the kicker, I think as consumers we have grown apathetic too. We don’t expect or demand good service anymore. Now, there are the exceptions to this but they are far and few between. I don’t know what the answer is but once we emerge from this recession I think we are going to be even worse off. 

More things that bother me.

Today was one of those days that I just didn't enjoy. So when I am in a bad mood things start to bother me. Here is a short list of a few things I thought about today.

1.       The phrase “Have your cake and eat it!” When I hear someone say this I almost want to tell them to screw off!!! I own a bakery so of course you can have your cake and eat it too. What good is the cake if you can’t eat it?

2.       Invasion of my personal space. Hey, we don’t have to get that close to each other to talk do we? Seriously, please keep a little distance between you and me!

3.       The chain e-mails, pass them on or else! Or else what? Really? I want to experience the “or else” just one time.

4.       Kroger’s gas stations. I hate buying anything at Kroger’s gas stations. The clerk is behind a mile of bullet proof glass and the only way to pay is to pass your money through the little drawer. If you buy something that is outside the clerk tries to scan it through the window which never works. Also, they have a little metal mesh basket that they put your change in. I swear I feel like a criminal when I stop at this station. I really hate them.

5.       My I-pod is half full and will never be completely full. It is like a reminder that I can’t find enough music to fill it up. Is it because I can’t decide or am I too lazy to add anymore music? I don’t know what it is but every time I look at it I only see half full!

6.       New born baby photos. Okay, somebody has to say it so it might as well be me. Every new born picture I see is the same. The baby has a little sticking cap on. Always with no expression on their face. Their hands clinched into a fist around their heads.  The only thing different is that some babies have their eyes opened and others don’t but the photos all look the same.

7.       Our vendors who slap fuel surcharges on their bills. Look, I can’t slap a fuel surcharge on the price of a cup of coffee. If you can’t figure out a way to charge based on your actual expenses then just give up! You don’t need to be in business if you can’t plan for the fluctuations in the commodity prices. I deal with so should you!

8.        Clowns. I’m 44 years old and still think clowns are a little creepy. I never thought clowns were funny. Never have I said “awe, look a clown.” Clowns just aren’t right. I understand why some people have a phobia of clowns.

9.       The question: “Did you watch the game last night?”  No, I did not and probably never will. Pro football, nope not a fan. Pro basketball…not no, but hell no. Baseball; maybe watched one inning but probably didn’t see one second of the game.  I work on average 12 hours a day, do you think I’m going to take three hours out of my day to watch any type of sporting event?

10.   Civil War Reenactors. Look, if you do this then more power to you but I just don’t get it.

11.   The Gold Buyers International commercials. Look, if you are a local business person and you advertise on TV do us all a favor and keep your family out of your commercials! I really don’t understand why a local business owner has to verbally vomit on the viewing public in a poorly produced commercial then drag his kids or grand children into the commercial at the end. 

12.   My minvan. I would rather be poked in the eyes with a fork then drive the minivan. I just hate it!

13.   I have webbed toes. When I was a kid I thought it was cool, I thought I was Auqa Man. Now I hate them. 

My Midlife Crisis, My Rules!

Okay, I have been dealing with this Mid Life thing for almost a year. So I suppose it is time for me to decide if this is my time to get old. Is it my time to make the transition from warrior to chief, wise man or elder? Yes it is, but if you ask me if I’m going to choose to make this transition then the answer is no. I’m choosing new rules to live by.

Rule Number 1: I’m going to make the choices I want to make with no apologies and I will accept the consequences.

Rule Number 2: Life experience has given me wisdom, I’ve earned every bit of it and I will use it as I wish.

Rule Number 3: The indifference I feel will no longer dictate my lack of decisiveness. I will aggressively decide, say, do, and think what I really want.

Rule Number 4: My age, as I grow older will never be an excuse.  Well maybe age will be an excuse when it is convenient.

Rule Number 5: I will continue to learn and learn a lot. I will ask questions, try new things and I will still play.

Rule Number 6: I’m not worrying about the things I cannot change.

Rule Number 7: I’m not going to wait on anything, especially a “better life.” I’m going to live it now.

Rule Number 8:  Bad language has its time and place, that place is here more than you might think. I’m an adult and willing to talk like one. Certain words add flavor and I’m going to use them.

Rule Number 9: I get to define who I am, I earned that right and you did not!

Rule Number 10: I get to make me happy not you!

Rule Number 11:  I love people, I love serving people but sometimes I want to be an introvert and quite honestly that is okay. So please stay out of my way when I want the solitude.

Rule Number 12: I’m speaking my mind. The truth is brutal but necessary so don't get offended when I speak my mind. 

   

Rule number 13: My businesses are not my life. I took the risk and I get to call the shots!

Rule Number 14: Sorrows; yup I have a few and all I can do is deal with them. If I need to be sad then let me, these are my sorrows to deal with and not yours.