1. I don’t have a navigation buddy on the dash of my car. If you do then use the damn thing, you know who you are! I don’t care that you are about to miss your exit but don’t slam on your to make the exit. I don’t care how freaking far you have to backtrack just tell Tom Tom you screwed up and he will adjust your route…okay?
2. You have Xenon headlights? Well I have a handful of loose change just for you. The next time someone with a jacked up SUV or truck tailgates me with these headlights I’m tossing a handful of loose change in the air. Either you will back off or buy new headlights, paint and windshield. Trust me; I have lots of loose change in my vehicles!
3. Look; the left lane on the interstate is for passing not parking. If you have to pass get it over and done with and get out of the left lane! Motorcyclist, this goes for you too. I know you have a disadvantage because of your size. I also know that people can’t or don’t see you as well as a vehicle but please don’t sit in the left lane.
4. Speaking of left lane bandits. There is a crazy standard feature that every passenger car and truck will have attached to the windshield; its called a rearview mirror. Can everyone say that? Lets try together; R E A R… V I E W …M I R R O R! Good, now let me tell what it is for. This devise is for seeing behind your vehicle. Now when you are parked in the left lane and you can’t see the last car behind you because of all the other cars, it is time to move to the right lane! Thanks for your cooperation in advance.
5. No more big tailpipes on small cars! What the hell is this all about? I’m sorry but I’m going to get crud. Is the size of your tailpipe directly related to the size of your rectum? So you are driving a 1991 rusted out Honda Civic, you somehow think that a huge “buzzer” type tailpipe makes the car much cooler? Really? Your just an idiot and shouldn’t be on the road. I’m sure that the phrase “survival of the fittest” will apply to your life someday.
6. Don’t make eye contact with other drivers unless you intend to yield your right of way.
7. Green Lights. Just because you witnessed a green light at an intersection once doesn’t mean it is okay for you to proceed regardless of the current state of the light at your present intersection. If it is red you stop, green you go! No really, that is how it works.
8. Parking. SUV’s and Trucks are not compact cars people. Plan accordingly when parking okay?
9. Alright Jackwagons, First of all I want you all to buy a belt and pull your damn pants up. Second I want you to drive sitting up rather than laying back. You have to be able to see over the steering wheel when you drive… so sit up and drive right.
10. Last, Littering! It is time to start showing the Ad Council TV commercials again. You remember the ads? The commercials with the Indian crying? I am stunned at time to see the amount of litter next to the roads. Okay…while we are on this. TRUCKERS, if you are going to urinate in a water bottle, milk jug, gatoraide bottle, please throw it in the trash and not along the interstate exit and entrance ramps. Please! This is just gross.
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