Thursday, October 13, 2011

More Life Lessons

I really enjoy my international friends. The more international freinds I have the more this makes sense: (Borrowed from another blog) "When you get to know people with different ethnic backgrounds, from different cities and countries, who live at various socioeconomic levels, you begin to realize that everyone basically wants the same things.  They want validation, love, happiness, fulfillment and hopes for a better future.  The way they pursue these desires is where things branch off, but the fundamentals are the same.  You can relate to almost everyone everywhere if you look past the superficial facades that divide us."

Never do anything thinking there is a chance to failure. I have a hard time practicing this. Gene Krantz said: “failure is not an option” when they were trying to find solutions to the problems of the Apollo 13 moon shot. Personally, I know my attitude changes when I have that little doubt of failure in the back of my mind.

No one wants to admit it but everyone is a hypocrite.

The most interesting people I have ever met couldn’t figure out what to do with their lives.

Sometimes there is not justice., because justice is rarely achievable. But look around the country, there are many who will not hesitate to destroy lives demanding it.

Kindness and a smile can almost always make someone’s day. There have been times that just by being uncommonly pleasant I have been able to turn a customer from being rude to one that walks away being nice. Most people will realize their being and ass when you try hard to be kind to them.

Life is a trip you have to take by yourself. You will have lots of guest along the way but very few are long-term.

Trusting my gut!  My “Gut feeling” is almost always right. The tension in my abdomen speaks volumes about how I truly feel about something. I know you “don’t judge a book by its cover.”  There are people I meet for the first time and just do not feel good about them. I hate to sound judgmental because that is not what I am talking about. You can just tell sometimes about some people.

Every time I over analyze something I always come the wrong conclusion. I hate it when I think too much. I try to take things at face value and when I do things work out better. Saying I won’t over analyze and actually not over analyzing are two different things.

There are always a certain people who feel it is okay to judge me. I try not to let it bother me and try not to be like them.

Although you might think so, no one is keeping track of how many times you screw up!  There will always be some who take pleasure in your misery but they do not keep score.

Self-examination is the only path out of misery… at least it should if you’re honest with yourself. You can always find the truth but admitting it to yourself is another problem all together.

 To write a person off as worthless or not worthy of being a part of your life is an act of great violence. But sometimes you have to write people off.   Sometimes you have to remove certain people from your life, even if they’re family. From another blog I read: “If a person wants to be a part of your life they will make an obvious effort to do so.  Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.”  You can do everything possible to build and maintain relationships but sometimes you have to give up. 

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I thought I would give you an update.

It has been a busy several months. We opened the new store in Brazil. I’ve also been busy with the other stores and trying to cram in Portuguese lessons. Trying to learn a new language is very difficult; maybe more so as I age. The issue is that I have little chance to practice what I learn by trying to converse with someone in that language. You can memorize all the words and in fact I have great vocabulary in Portuguese but when it comes down to actually putting into use I really struggle. SO…I’m not happy with my progress.  I do have some help but it is only about an hour per week.

This is a busy time in the coffee business. It will stay pretty busy until mid-December then drop off and won’t pick up until the second week of January. Additionally there are several charity events we participate in. ISU homecoming is this weekend. We always book a lot of music in October and November too.

I haven’t blogged in a while; I just haven’t felt like it. I could have found some time to do it but it just wasn’t a priority. You can always find time if something is a priority or important to you! I could have set aside five minutes here or there but when it is not a priority or important I didn’t want do it.

 The Mid-life crisis thing doesn’t seem to be easing any. When I think I understand what is going on I learn I don’t have a clue. It is odd, I still find myself wandering at times; no real goals, no “zest” for life. I don’t know how to fully explain it. I’m sure there is a light at the end of the tunnel but I just don’t see it at this time.
Jim Collins in his book “Good to Great” wrote:  “In the end, it is impossible to have a great life unless it is a meaningful life and it is very difficult to have a meaningful life without meaningful work.” I wonder how much of mid-life doldrums are caused by not feeling my work is meaningful.  Or feeling some parts of my life are not meaningful?  I’ve been successful but I don’t feel successful.  Robert Burgelman, Stanford Professor said: “The single biggest danger in business and life, other than outright failure, is to be successful without being resolutely clear about why you are successful in the first place.”  

Who knows how long this last but it really seems like it is lasting forever! 

Well…that is the update.  Maybe I will blog again soon! 

Friday, August 19, 2011

The American Coffee Party. "...too small to succeed…and because tea is for wimps!"

Owning a couple of coffee shops I have the privilege of hearing and participating in political conversations on a regular basis. The American Coffee Party is my answer to politics in America today. The core principles outlined below are based on the collective of conversations i have had. In general they reflect a majority of the people I speak with. The majority of these conversations have taken place with folks that would consider themselves democrats. Ironically some of these ideas are center or a little right of center. Probably reflective a more conservative "Midwestern" attitude. 

The reality is this;  people from all walks of life and all income levels are very frustrated with the current state of the economy and politics in general.  Regardless, this is not the time to argue about the smalls things. Until we put people back to work our only focus should be the economy. We can worry about the other things later.

By the way…I am “officially” not announcing my candidacy for the Office of The President of the United States. I am not seeking that office because I am not a “slime ball politician.” Nor will I ever seek that position.  Although this was just for fun I have to admit I do believe in these ideas.

The American Coffee Party.

What do we stand for?

      1.    Fair and short election cycles. We believe that the election process for national offices is out of control and extremely corrupt. Therefore we would propose the following:
a.       Primary Process will only last for eight weeks followed by twelve weeks of campaign prior to the election on the first Tuesday in November.
b.      National campaigns will be publically financed and not to exceed $25,000,000.00 per presidential candidate and not to exceed $150,000.00 per senate and congressional seat. No outside money can be accepted. No outside influence of any special interest, PAC or other organization will be allowed.
c.       Term limits:
                                                               i.      Two terms not to exceed ten years in office for President. Additional two years if a vice President takes office over half way into a presidential term.
                                                             ii.      Three terms and not to exceed seven years for congress. Additional year in the event a congressman has been appointed due to vacancy.
                                                            iii.      Two terms for senators not to exceed 10 years.
       2.   We feel that serving the United States in public office is a privilege that does not include lifetime benefits currently afforded those who serve. Public service or serving the public in Washington is just that, Public Service! There are no benefits of a pension, health insurance plan or any other benefits that go with the job or go with you when you leave the job. You did your service to our country, be proud of your service but we aren’t going to pay you for the rest of your life.     
       3.   The practice of a President appointing various Tsars for special purposes will be abolished.                                  
4.    4.   Money, Lobbying and Lobbyist. Lobbying is within our right as a citizen. We understand that it can serve the purpose, when handled correctly, of informing a member of congress of all the possible benefits and shortfalls of any legislation. Therefore, the only acceptable forms of lobbying are as follows: E-mails, personal visits, phone calls. No money,  no PACs, no soft money, etc. will be allowed to corrupt the process. Public financing of campaigns will take care of a lot of this but no public official will be allowed to accept anything from anyone lobbying for any reason.
      5.  Taxes. The IRS and or current system of taxation should be abolished. A flat tax is the only system that is fair and just. Everyone pays the same percentage of their income regardless of how much they earn. We feel everyone should have “some skin in the game!”
      6.   Abortion: Worrying about this issue right now is like rearranging furniture on the deck of a sinking ship!  No public funding but it will not be the goal of this party to overturn this issue.
      7.  Gay/Lesbian rights. We are all Americans; therefore we believe in a live and let live policy. We are not about giving special rights to any group nor are we about denying rights to any group.  Live and let live.                                              8.       Education.  We believe the department of education should be abolished. Money should be sent to each state in the form of blocks grants. It should be up to the State and Local School Corporations to determine how best to educate the students in their respective areas. Federal Mandates adversely affect some areas while helping others. Therefore a cookie cutter approach nationally is a waste of time and money and does not produce the results we need as a nation to stay competitive in the world.
      9.    Immigration.  Everyone is welcome but you are only welcome if you enter legally. Our borders will have to be secured through every means necessary.
      10.   National Language. Our national language is English. This is one of the things that tie us together as a nation of people. Therefore our national language is and always will be English.  We will no longer accommodate other languages other than to provide the opportunity to learn English through publically financed language courses.  The immigrant should intergrade into our society not our society changing to fit their needs.                                                                                                                                                                       11.   Energy. As a matter of national security we should be as energy independent as possible. There are vast resourcing remaining in the country that has yet to be tapped. The first place we will look for our energy needs our within our borders. Additionally we will invest in viable green technologies for the future. 
      12.   Foreign Aid. We are glad to have you as our friend but if we have to pay you then you’re not our friend. The only forms of foreign aid will be for humanitarian reasons and in the event one of our “friends” around the world has suffered a national catastrophe, famine, etc.
      13.   Military. We believe in a strong military with defensive and offensive capabilities. However we do not believe our military should be used as the world’s police department. We would propose the following:
a.       Military bases around the world number between 490 and 1180. An accurate number is not obtainable. We will close 75% of these bases and focus on protecting all U.S. assets in U.S. territory.
b.      No involvement in any conflict unless the U.S. or a U.S. territory is threatened. No involvement in any conflict unless a vital U.S. interest is threatened. No Involvement unless U.S. territories, citizens or assets have been attacked.
      14.   Decriminalize marijuana. This is a revenue opportunity for the Federal and State governments as well a large cost saving.  Regulate it better than we have done with alcohol!!!
      15.   Balanced Budget. We believe the federal government should never be allowed to spend more everything it brings in. Annual budgets are never to be based on projected tax revenue.  Therefore we believe the federal budget should never exceed the 95% of the precious year’s tax revenue.  
      16.   Gun control. Leave our guns alone. Even though I only own a shotgun I want the right to purchase a gun/handgun.
      17.    Race Relations. Can we stop segregating ourselves by hyphenating our citizenship and just call ourselves Americans.  And can we just stop with all the political correctness, hypersensitivity and just fix the problem we have…and do it together? All of this is divisive and does nothing to bring us together but it keeps us apart.  Honestly, I’m 44 and most of my generation does not care where you are from and what color you are! We believe in “live and let live.”

I'm sure someone will be offended by something in this but that wasn't my intention. I'm frustrated too and just feel better writing a few thing down.  

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Brazilian women, Livemocha and a suicidal fish! A random post for fun.

 I’m not sure how many people who read this have learned a foreign language but it is challenging. I’m learning Portuguese; specifically Brazilian Portuguese.  After 40 plus years of only speaking English I have found that my brain does not want to be exposed to anything different. I'm using a couple of programs to learn. I want to talk about one of them, Livemocha. 

Livemocha is web based language learning program. The website is: http://www.livemocha.com Actually, this is a pretty good system since you are subjected to reviews buy native speakers of the language you are learning. You submit both written and spoken exercises that are forwarded to a native speaker. The native speaker has the option to review or not review. They can review and respond with audio, written or both. You as a student are also given the opportunity to review the work of those (in my case) learning English. Now there is also a rating system for each exercise. It goes from 1 to 5 stars. 1 being  the worst and 5 being perfect.

  The review process I spoke of in the above paragraph can be brutal when you are on the receiving end of the feedback. Most Brazilian men that provide reviews should not waste their time. There reviews will consist 1 star and feedback of “not very good, practice more” or  “your accent is strong and you don’t pronounce certain words correctly.” I wouldn't mind the reviews if they were productive but they are not. My response to some of these men are:

“No shit, I have an accent!?!?!”  “You seriously took the time to tell me I have an accent but can’t tell me specifically what words I need to work on?”  “I’m learning okay, so next time please provide me with actual feedback that is helpful or don’t review my submissions!”

On the other hand, Brazilian women are very nurturing. Brazilian Women will take time to actually help you. It is funny how nurturing they are. First they’re very encouraging with a “Muito Bom!”  Translated: “Very Good!”  Even if you know you did not do that good of a job they will  at least recognize the effort. Next they will list the words you wrote or spoke incorrectly. This is extremely helpful and if it were not enough they will record a review for your submission. This way you can hear how to correct your mistakes. At the end of the review process they will finish with “bom trabalho, continuar a aprender!” Translated: “good work, keep learning.”  And they will sign the review with “beijos” which means kisses and is pretty standard close with no real meaning! Sometimes the women will even volunteer to help more through video chats on skype.  Overall, Brazilian women are very helpful! I have even used help from some of these women on skype. They have the patients of Job! 

I said as part of using the site you are given exercise to review which brings me to this: The ratio of English speaking people to all others must be 1 to 100 because I am bombarded with friend and review request. I had to cap my friend list at 100, otherwise I would never be able to learn Protuguese. All I would have time to do is review others submissions. I have earned a top teacher spot on livemocha because of all the reviews I do. I have also been granted “translator” status which means I have access to providing additional translations and review. All this is great but it means that everyone learning English from every other country is on you like “ugly on a monkey” when it comes to exercise review requests.  You feel like a grilled cheese sandwich thrown among seagulls!

I recieve somewhere around 25 submission review requests per day and that is a lot. A few from men but mostly from the women. I think they must communicate with each other, it is like they all know I’m going to give a fair and detailed review! After all, if I want honest and helpful feedback and I should provide the same.

Okay so this brings us to the fish. I said I am now a “translator” and can submit additional translations as a helpful tool for those learning English. I didn’t realize that I could provide translations for any language until I was reviewing one of my Portuguese lessons and the following two sildes came up:


The caption with this slide was: “Um peixe precisa de água para viver.”  Translated it means the fish needs water to live. Easy enough and harmless until I see the next slide:


The caption for this slide was: "Este peixe precisa de água, mas não quer nenhuma." Translated it means the fish needs water,  but has none.  Of course, me being a bit demented needed to add in the additional translations: “Não quer viver mais só; é suicido.”  Translated: Don’t want to live alone anymore, it is suicide! 

The additional translation has not been removed from the website! 

Monday, August 1, 2011

Busy Summer

It has been a busy summer. With the new store opening and everything else just have not had time to blog. I should be posting a new bog soon!

Thanks and keep checking back!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

10 New rules for the road

1.       I don’t have a navigation buddy on the dash of my car. If you do then use the damn thing, you know who you are! I don’t care that you are about to miss your exit but don’t slam on your to make the exit.  I don’t care how freaking far you have to backtrack just tell Tom Tom you screwed up and he will adjust your route…okay?
2.       You have Xenon headlights? Well I have a handful of loose change just for you. The next time someone with a jacked up SUV or truck tailgates me with these headlights I’m tossing a handful of loose change in the air. Either you will back off or buy new headlights, paint and windshield. Trust me; I have lots of loose change in my vehicles!
3.       Look; the left lane on the interstate is for passing not parking. If you have to pass get it over and done with and get out of the left lane! Motorcyclist, this goes for you too. I know you have a disadvantage because of your size. I also know that people can’t or don’t see you as well as a vehicle but please don’t sit in the left lane.
4.       Speaking of left lane bandits. There is a crazy standard feature that every passenger car and truck will have attached to the windshield; its called a rearview mirror. Can everyone say that? Lets try together;  R E A R… V I E W …M I R R O R! Good, now let me tell what it is for. This devise is for seeing behind your vehicle. Now when you are parked in the left lane and you can’t see the last car behind you because of all the other cars, it is time to move to the right lane! Thanks for your cooperation in advance.
5.       No more big tailpipes on small cars! What the hell is this all about? I’m sorry but I’m going to get crud. Is the size of your tailpipe directly related to the size of your rectum? So you are driving a 1991 rusted out Honda Civic, you somehow think that a huge “buzzer” type tailpipe makes the car much cooler? Really? Your just an idiot and shouldn’t be on the road. I’m sure that the phrase “survival of the fittest” will apply to your life someday.
6.       Don’t make eye contact with other drivers unless you intend to yield your right of way.
7.       Green Lights. Just because you witnessed a green light at an intersection once doesn’t mean it is okay for you to proceed regardless of the current state of the light at your present intersection. If it is red you stop, green you go! No really, that is how it works.
8.       Parking. SUV’s and Trucks are not compact cars people. Plan accordingly when parking okay?
9.        Alright Jackwagons, First of all I want you all to buy a belt and pull your damn pants up. Second I want you to drive sitting up rather than laying back. You have to be able to see over the steering wheel when you drive… so sit up and drive right.
10.   Last, Littering! It is time to start showing the Ad Council TV commercials again. You remember the ads? The commercials with the Indian crying? I am stunned at time to see the amount of litter next to the roads. Okay…while we are on this. TRUCKERS, if you are going to urinate in a water bottle, milk jug, gatoraide bottle, please throw it in the trash and not along the interstate exit and entrance ramps. Please! This is just gross.  

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I have some money, I want to buy something!

In the late 80’s and early 90’s we experienced a downturn. During this time there was a re-discovery of good customer service.  I had worked in the Automobile Vehicle Rental Business and Auto Industry during this time. Books such as Raving Fans were considered the bible for good service. Retailers such as Nordstrom’s were referenced as the Gold Standard of exceptional customer service. Companies began to focus on customer satisfaction and the CSI or Customer Service Index and performance measurement in most industries mainstream. We had been through the down times of the 70’s and early 80’s and companies realized how valuable it was to retain each customer. 

The automobile industry embraced CSI programs. Dealerships had certain thresholds to meet based on their CSI index that were tied to KPI’s or Key Performance Indicators. Companies such as CSI Complete sprang up to fill the need for outside call centers to survey customers.  Each customer had value measured in life cycle of the product they purchased and a company’s ability to maximize the revenue stream created during that life cycle. Higher quality products along with better service was the norm not the exception 

What happened to good customer service? The middle and late 90’s…that’s what! Business starting picking up, times weren’t quite as tough with plenty to go around. Prices were low on the items we wanted. In 1987 we paid $500.00 for a four head hi-fi VCR. Ten years later we paid $70.00. Our first home PC cost just over $2000.00, today we have two lap tops which combined barely cost over $1500.00. We had six rental car locations around Indy, the unemployment rate reach 2.5% in Marion county and you could not find employees. We were all making money and lots of it. Businesses knew the customers would be there. 

So what is missing from this recession? A customer service revival is missing. So what happened to good customer service? How often do you enter a store, any store and are unable to find what we need and furthermore you are unable to find a clerk to help you. When you do find a clerk he or she informs you that they can’t help you because they don’t work in that department, or they just don’t know. As a consumer there is no sense of urgency to gain and retain my business on the part of retailers or vendors.

Today make things worse, U.S. companies began outsourcing call center needs to companies abroad.  Automated operators have made your purchasing and service experience more frustrating. We buy online and have no interaction with a person at all. Most online retailers do not have a phone number you can call.  The personal experience is almost gone. We as a society with lose our ability to interact with each other at this rate.

As a business owner today, we have vendors we spend thousands of dollars with. A couple of these vendors have terrible service but their competition isn’t any better. Orders consistently wrong, pricing messed up or they don’t have what we order.  I want to yell: “I have some money, I want to buy something!”  

I really don’t understand how these places can stay in business and why they don’t really care. In our business, granted we sell drinks ranging from $1.50 to $5.35 but every customer is important. That customer that spends $1.60 with me every day is crucial because they spend $1.60 five days a week. Like I said, I don’t understand! I want to gain and retain every customer I can, they’re important to me and so is how I treat them. I wish I could say the same for a lot of other places out there today.  

Here is the kicker, I think as consumers we have grown apathetic too. We don’t expect or demand good service anymore. Now, there are the exceptions to this but they are far and few between. I don’t know what the answer is but once we emerge from this recession I think we are going to be even worse off. 

Monday, June 13, 2011

More things that bother me.

Today was one of those days that I just didn't enjoy. So when I am in a bad mood things start to bother me. Here is a short list of a few things I thought about today.


1.       The phrase “Have your cake and eat it!” When I hear someone say this I almost want to tell them to screw off!!! I own a bakery so of course you can have your cake and eat it too. What good is the cake if you can’t eat it?

2.       Invasion of my personal space. Hey, we don’t have to get that close to each other to talk do we? Seriously, please keep a little distance between you and me!

3.       The chain e-mails, pass them on or else! Or else what? Really? I want to experience the “or else” just one time.

4.       Kroger’s gas stations. I hate buying anything at Kroger’s gas stations. The clerk is behind a mile of bullet proof glass and the only way to pay is to pass your money through the little drawer. If you buy something that is outside the clerk tries to scan it through the window which never works. Also, they have a little metal mesh basket that they put your change in. I swear I feel like a criminal when I stop at this station. I really hate them.

5.       My I-pod is half full and will never be completely full. It is like a reminder that I can’t find enough music to fill it up. Is it because I can’t decide or am I too lazy to add anymore music? I don’t know what it is but every time I look at it I only see half full!

6.       New born baby photos. Okay, somebody has to say it so it might as well be me. Every new born picture I see is the same. The baby has a little sticking cap on. Always with no expression on their face. Their hands clinched into a fist around their heads.  The only thing different is that some babies have their eyes opened and others don’t but the photos all look the same.

7.       Our vendors who slap fuel surcharges on their bills. Look, I can’t slap a fuel surcharge on the price of a cup of coffee. If you can’t figure out a way to charge based on your actual expenses then just give up! You don’t need to be in business if you can’t plan for the fluctuations in the commodity prices. I deal with so should you!

8.        Clowns. I’m 44 years old and still think clowns are a little creepy. I never thought clowns were funny. Never have I said “awe, look a clown.” Clowns just aren’t right. I understand why some people have a phobia of clowns.

9.       The question: “Did you watch the game last night?”  No, I did not and probably never will. Pro football, nope not a fan. Pro basketball…not no, but hell no. Baseball; maybe watched one inning but probably didn’t see one second of the game.  I work on average 12 hours a day, do you think I’m going to take three hours out of my day to watch any type of sporting event?

10.   Civil War Reenactors. Look, if you do this then more power to you but I just don’t get it.

11.   The Gold Buyers International commercials. Look, if you are a local business person and you advertise on TV do us all a favor and keep your family out of your commercials! I really don’t understand why a local business owner has to verbally vomit on the viewing public in a poorly produced commercial then drag his kids or grand children into the commercial at the end. 

12.   My minvan. I would rather be poked in the eyes with a fork then drive the minivan. I just hate it!

13.   I have webbed toes. When I was a kid I thought it was cool, I thought I was Auqa Man. Now I hate them. 

Thursday, June 2, 2011

My Midlife Crisis, My Rules!

Okay, I have been dealing with this Mid Life thing for almost a year. So I suppose it is time for me to decide if this is my time to get old. Is it my time to make the transition from warrior to chief, wise man or elder? Yes it is, but if you ask me if I’m going to choose to make this transition then the answer is no. I’m choosing new rules to live by.

Rule Number 1: I’m going to make the choices I want to make with no apologies and I will accept the consequences.

Rule Number 2: Life experience has given me wisdom, I’ve earned every bit of it and I will use it as I wish.

Rule Number 3: The indifference I feel will no longer dictate my lack of decisiveness. I will aggressively decide, say, do, and think what I really want.

Rule Number 4: My age, as I grow older will never be an excuse.  Well maybe age will be an excuse when it is convenient.

Rule Number 5: I will continue to learn and learn a lot. I will ask questions, try new things and I will still play.

Rule Number 6: I’m not worrying about the things I cannot change.

Rule Number 7: I’m not going to wait on anything, especially a “better life.” I’m going to live it now.

Rule Number 8:  Bad language has its time and place, that place is here more than you might think. I’m an adult and willing to talk like one. Certain words add flavor and I’m going to use them.

Rule Number 9: I get to define who I am, I earned that right and you did not!

Rule Number 10: I get to make me happy not you!

Rule Number 11:  I love people, I love serving people but sometimes I want to be an introvert and quite honestly that is okay. So please stay out of my way when I want the solitude.

Rule Number 12: I’m speaking my mind. The truth is brutal but necessary so don't get offended when I speak my mind. 
   
Rule number 13: My businesses are not my life. I took the risk and I get to call the shots!

Rule Number 14: Sorrows; yup I have a few and all I can do is deal with them. If I need to be sad then let me, these are my sorrows to deal with and not yours. 

Monday, May 16, 2011

The Midlife Crisis Part One, Two and Three


Midlife Crisis Part 1: Elvis is dead and I’m not feeling too good myself.


As I write I can’t help but wonder how many people will read this. Truthfully this is a pretty open and honest personal assessment of this stage of life. Believing that this decade, my forties have been and will continue to be one of the best times in my life.  I find myself feeling a little bit obsessed with the questions: “Does my life matter?” and “What is next?”

The whole idea of me going through a midlife crisis is kind of offensive when someone else suggest it but not when I look at it for myself. So what does Elvis have to do with my midlife crisis? Nothing and it doesn't make sense. A midlife crisis doesn’t make sense to me either but here I am.

I found this mid-life crisis “symptom sampler” online. Symptoms are: insomnia, fatigue, weight gain, despair, morbidity, inability to concentrate, regret for roads not taken or other things in life you have not achieved or realized, dread that life holds no more surprises, regrets, sharp longing for something (a gunmetal Porsche, a cigarette boat) etc. I want to explore some of these and a few of my own observations of what may be my midlife crisis.

Insomnia. Yup, I don’t sleep as well anymore. I really didn’t think this was a sign of a mid-life crisis. I feel more bored with life right now and my thought is that insomnia is somehow a byproduct of feeling a little “lost in the woods.”

I’m taking longer to recover from injuries and illness. Morbidity. I have to laugh; I really don’t get over things as fast. I was hit with a case of prostatitis about a year and a half ago. Man that was a real bummer especially when I thought about. Having any kind of prostate problem makes you realize you’re getting a little older.  Not mention the fact that you can pull a muscle easier or just have a pain or ache that you can’t explain. The “morbidity” factor or the increased probability that I will become ill or have a health issue isn’t a pleasant thought.

I’ve noticed  I don't have as much physical stamina as you used to have. Twenty years ago I would have said; “a nap, what on earth is that?” Now I look forward to a nap.

I had put on more than a few pounds and was feeling a little overweight. I think vanity becomes a bit of an issue during the mid-life crisis. I have lost weight and I work out a little more. The idea that I hear the words “you look good” is a nice ego boost for me. When you reach this age I think your ego starts to become somewhat bruised by the fact that you won’t get a second look from a member of the opposite sex. It isn’t a matter of a younger lady wanting me, it is the fact you want to be noticed.
I’m going to have to get reading glasses to make out the small print. You can only look over the top of your glasses so long before even that does not work. This is one thing that is really pissing me off. I do not want bifocals…nope, not at all.

I feel anxious about the future, or maybe I’m just generally anxious and don't know exactly how to explain it.  It has slowly dawned on me that I’ll probably never solemnly swear to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution, write a novel or realize the big idea or dream of greatness. My big boyhood dreams were precious, and it's easy for me feel like a failure when it's clear that most of my dreams are dead. It is somewhat cruel from the standpoint that some of your dreams or ambitions are tattered at midlife and at a time when so many things come together in a good way. 

I think I have been feeling a little depressed. Oh, I don’t think I have had bout of clinical depression but I’ve probably been depressed. I have noticed I’m more irritable and more emotional in general. There has been comfort in solitude for last several months. It isn’t that I want to ignore anyone but the soul searching involved in trying to set directional goals doesn’t allow for multi-tasking. Not that I was able to multi-task anyway.

Life isn't as much fun as it used to be so I find myself going with the flow more. I don’t know if “going with the flow” more is a bad thing for me or not. I have always been one to want things planned out and needing to know all the details: the who, want, when and where. I liked things regimented and organized now I really don’t care if they are or not.

I have started to question the value of what I do for a living, and can't think of what would fire my passion or enthusiasm. I can't seem to decide if I make decisions as easily as I used to. I wonder if I have lost some confidence in my abilities. I don’t have that reckless enthusiasm for my work like I did when I was 25. Today, I think that I am more patient, methodical and analytical when faced with making decisions.  Regardless if it is a lack of confidence or just being more intentional with my decisions I defiantly take more time. This is probably a good thing overall since I take less chances and think things out in more detail. The real issue would come from a lack of action or decision making…or getting locked into indecision; so far that is not the case.

I think I have become more nostalgic.  The Longing for my youth again! Well I suppose the boy is dead, and so are most of his dreams. It's probably important to admit they're gone, sit quietly for a while, and then move on. So grieving may be required…boo hoo…that is done.  But if I cling to the persona of youth (to quote someone: "prop up the corpse" oh great, my memory is going too), I will find myself trapped in regret and nostalgia for the past. Maybe some regret is good? If I didn’t regret some things I would probably repeat those actions or lack of actions, now I can decide based on past experience to do things differently. As far as regret for roads not taken, without knowing what was on that road I don’t know how I could have a regret. Maybe the road I didn’t take would have been a disaster, maybe it would have been great but I won’t know. You can’t regret what you don’t know you missed.
Do I have longing for something? Well I didn’t buy the cigar boat but I did buy the gunmetal grey convertible. The car has been called my midlife crisis and in part I guess it is. Joking I suppose you could say it is my welcome to midlife present. I think the real longing is for a new set of goals and challenges.

I used the term feeling like “I’m lost in the woods.” This is the best metaphor to describe being in-between goals. Twenty, ten or five years ago I knew exactly what I wanted; the goals were in my mind. Today I feel a bit directionless since I can’t figure out what I want my next set of goals to be.

I’ve heard that we should enjoy the journey more and stop focusing so much on the destination. The question for me becomes, if I’m ever going to fully appreciate this part of the trip, how will I  learn to swim around in more ambiguous waters i.e. have goals again. I’m cause and effect. I want rules that are clear cut and I want everything to make sense. Everything come downs to the bottom line or it should be black and white so I don’t really like the grey area of the journey called a “midlife” crisis.
After this little examination of my midlife crisis I have to ask: Where is the logic in expecting things, life and people to make sense?  Where is the logic in expecting things to be black and white? I guess I shouldn’t expect things to make sense; nothing really does at this stage of life. Come to think of it; from my birth until now why should any of the stuff in between make sense either?
So it is with a smile on my face that I say: “Elvis is still dead but I feel a little better now!”

My Midlife Crisis Part 2: My father might have been Darth Vader because there is a Dark Side to Midlife. 

“Contrary to popular belief, a (man’s) midlife crisis is not all fun, games and fast cars” Quote from Lisa Bower

I have to say I enjoy looking at or analyzing what I’m going through at this stage of life. There is a real DARK SIDE to the Midlife crisis. Deep thought and reflection with moments of asking the question: What’s next?

So what is the “Dark Side” of my midlife crisis.

On the “Dark Side”  you want to express yourself - anger and everything! When I want to speak, I want to let it rip by saying whatever I want. I want to speak my peace to a few people and even say what I really think of them. I do find I’m far less guarded now and I like it. Not that I feel I was being dishonest before but as a friend of mine always said: “if you’re judging a baby contest don’t call the baby ugly, just don’t pick it to win.” I‘m more open with feelings but also hold back less when dealing with others.  It is like you realize that part of being a man is speaking your mind straight up and with no ice! So I will forgo the excesses of politeness without calling “the baby ugly” but I won’t be afraid of a little conflict either.  I once heard another person say: “Conflict is the sound of life happening and is never catastrophic.”

Reflection is another part of the “Dark Side.” The move in life I find I’m making is forcing me to reflect on the most severe of my secrets and the way I wish I could be instead of what I am. I’m forced to admit to myself the hurtful stuff, not just the pain I’ve endured but the pain I’ve caused. This isn’t about admitting anything “secret” to anyone but me. I have been told that our wounds are our uniqueness. I agree that the painful stuff has really caused me to gain a perspective on life that I didn’t have twenty years ago.

The “Dark Side” forces you to accept truths that you never thought about previously. It is about accepting the “brutal facts” and moving on. At age 36 the world was my oyster, but at 44 I’m trapped inside the damn thing gasping for air. Back then I accepted nothing at face value and now I am being forced to accept everything for what it is. I can’t go back and fix some things; there are no do-overs or make-up days.  Accepting the fact that I’m not immortal and quite possibly half or more of my life is over. YIKES, that is a scary thought.

The “Dark Side” has something called Midlife Depression!  The psychotherapist Thomas Moore argues, "Soul power may emerge from failure, depression, and loss." To deny our dark feelings is to cut ourselves off from what he calls "the gifts of depression." He's not recommending it is full on diagnosable depression but simply saying that the sunny-side-up persona is false and traps us in a limiting innocence. "The sadness of growing old is part of becoming an individual," he writes. "Melancholy thoughts carve out an interior space where wisdom can take up residence."   Okay, yes I’m a little depressed; it comes and goes but I’m not going to slit my wrists or harm myself in any way. I think everyone needs a little depression as Thomas Moore said. He calls it a “gift” but it doesn’t feel like it at the time. No trial ever looks that good when you are going through it, it is when you are done that it doesn’t look that bad at all. Until then I will have to wait.

On the “Dark Side” all the rules have changed for me. I’ve been very goal orientated most of my life but right now I don’t really have goals. I’ve started to re-think this idea of “having a road map.” Why should I grow or go in a certain direction? Without goals would Christopher Columbus have discovered the new world? Would Edison have invented the light bulb? No, but do you have to have goals set in stone to accomplish something? Maybe set in stone goals aren't better than just saying I want to grow or move in a positive direction? I encourage my sons to always be moving forward even if it is just a little bit at a time; to grow personally every day. Maybe I should take my own advice and start growing in a broad direction instead of having a clear path that I think I should follow. It might be time to drop the “road map” and start “enjoying the journey by worrying less about the destination.” 

If there is a Promise Land on the Dark Side then the milk taste funny and there ain’t no honey. When it comes to a corporate career I have played that game and it was really pretty damn stupid. I thought I had reach “The Promise Land” when I went into business for myself. The fact is that it too can be a game that I don’t enjoy playing. Overall it has so much freedom; I wouldn’t want to work for anyone else.  I guess the idea that (at this age) success in business is the only key to my happiness was just folly.

The “Dark Side” makes you admit you are no longer the warrior. You're no longer young.  How does a General become a General? How does the tribal Chief become Chief? At some point in time both the General and the Chief made the transition from warrior to Wiseman. Only in the context of transition am I saying I am becoming the Wiseman; I’m not really sure how else to describe it. My time as a warrior is ending. My time to be recklessly enthusiastic about everything has gone.  Just like you have to make the transition from boy to warrior you also have to make the transition to Wiseman. I guess I don’t want to be the Wiseman, a tribal elder or the General. I want to hang on to my youth and not have to be the elder and or chief. I still want to hang out with the younger crowed, and fight the fights instead of advising the warriors and guiding the young.

The “Dark Side” is like being lost in the woods. You fell pretty alone at times. Any time alone becomes very important.  I find myself being very quiet; l don't want to talk to anyone. You find yourself very content to never say a word if you can get away with it. You’re always self-examining when you have time alone.

I suppose there are varying degrees of which men go through a midlife crisis. It is real and it does feel like a crisis at times. Who knows when it will be over?  Maybe I can milk it for another blog or two!
I will have to remember to ask my mom if my father was Darth Vader.

My Midlife Crisis part 3:  The Bright Side!

Okay…I have given you the negative side of my mid-life crisis so now I will give you the positive.  You know how you here younger people saying they are “finding themselves.”  Well, I think mid-life crisis is all about finding yourself and who you really are.

I’ve already talked about this but I’m starting to say what I think rather than what I think others want to hear. I’m not trying to be cruel but I’m also not being guarded for fear of hurting anyone’s feelings.  Now, I’m still using discretion if I think someone might be genuinely insulted but still trying to be open and honest.

Letting go of the emotions is a benefit. I care less about showing true emotion. I didn’t have a problem showing anger but now I am more whiling to openly show all my emotions. It is a positive in my eyes to be able to show compassion without worrying about one of the “guys” giving me a hard time.  My Brazilian daughter and Michael’s present and last girlfriend have all brought out a “soft side” in me. Oh yes, if I get a daughter-n-law or granddaughter neither will do be able to do wrong in my eyes.

No fear! When you’re young you aren’t fearless you’re just stupid. You are recklessly enthusiastic about everything. You dive into everything without thinking. At this age I like being more decisive and knowing I have the wisdom of a few years.  I suppose no fear is a stretch but I would say I’m pretty fearless. I’m not scared or reluctant to do the things I want to do and I know the difference between reckless enthusiasm and a passionate interest.

When you think about it, I have the perspective of about half my life to know there is another half out there that needs filling. Now I think I know how I want to fill it. I have been able to set a few goals in the last month or so. I have set some short and long term goals. So I know what I want, when I want to get it and how to get it.

So, how does this midlife crisis thing end? I think there might be new convertible in my future; maybe this time I will get a red one! 

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Frustration

I need to vent about four  things today.

1.    1.    Promises not kept. I am getting more and more frustrated with some people making commitments that they do not keep. I wonder how sincere some are at the time they make the promise? I don’t mind the truth, I really don’t. I know that sometimes the truth can be very brutal but I would rather hear the brutal truth then be told a shallow promise. Honestly, I am really weary because this is becoming the norm and not the exception.

2.     2.   I love our customers, I really do. I would do anything for the majority of our customers. But…there are a few people who come into our shops and expect to take up a table for four people, use the WiFi all without even buying a cookie. We are a “for profit” business and when people do this the paying customers may not have a place to sit. It isn’t fair to our regulars and paying customers and in general it is just poor manners. What is even worse than that; people bring in food and drink from outside our business and expect to use our tables, trash, bathrooms, WiFi, and not buying a damn thing! Hello!!! Seriously, do you think Outback would let you bring a steak in from Texas Roadhouse and eat it there??? Then don’t bring a cup of coffee in from McDonalds and expect us to let you use our seats, tables, etc… I would just be embarrassed to do this someplace. The real kicker is when you ask them to purchase something and they get mad! You mean to tell me you are mad because I want you to purchase something at my store that is supplying you with a table and WiFi that you will use for the next four hours? OMG, HOW DARE ME!

3.      3.  Smokers! I smoke, Okay I admit it but I am a neat smoker. I have no real issue with someone smoking; I own a smoke shop after all!  We have two ashtrays outside our building on Wabash. One ashtray is on the West side and one is one the east side and yet smokers still throw their buts on the ground! We sweep up dozens of cigarette butts every day. These ashtrays are in view, you can’t miss them.  Another thing smokers will is do put their cigarettes out on the building. Who they hell raised you that you would think putting your cigarettes out on my building is in any way acceptable???  …and pick up your trash. Smokers are the biggest litterers. There is a trash can on the west end of the building, throw your trash in it please!

4.     4.  Sam’s Wholesale Club. Look people, just because they have little old ladies giving away free samples of food on the weekends please don’t think you sample everything else too! Who does this? Who opens the pickle jar to sample it? Four times I have picked up a jar of pickles and four times I have gotten pickle juice down my arm. I hate pickle juice! Really, if you’re hungry I will buy you a jar of pickles, it only cost $4.00 for a jar the size of a Buick so you can have all the pickles you want. 

Thanks for letting me vent!!!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Mid-life Crisis - The Bright Side!

Okay…I have given you the negative side of my mid-life crisis so now I will give you the positive.  You know how you here younger people saying they are “finding themselves.”  Well, I think mid-life crisis is all about finding yourself and who you really are. 

I’ve already talked about this but I’m starting to say what you think rather than what you think others want to hear. I’m not trying to be cruel but I’m also not being guarded for fear of hurting anyone’s feelings.  Now, I’m still using discretion if I think someone might be genuinely insulted but still trying to be open and honest.

Letting go of the emotions is a benefit. I care less about showing true emotion. I didn’t have a problem showing anger but now I am more whiling to openly show all my emotions. It is a positive in my eyes to be able to show compassion without worrying about one of the “guys” giving me a hard time.  My Brazilian daughter and Michael’s present and last girlfriend have all brought out a “soft side” in me. Oh yes, if I get a daughter-n-law or granddaughter neither will do be able to do wrong in my eyes.  

No fear! When you’re young you aren’t fearless you’re just stupid. You are recklessly enthusiastic about everything. You dive into everything without thinking. At this age I like being more decisive and knowing I have the wisdom of a few years.  I suppose no fear is a stretch but I would say I’m pretty fearless. I’m not scared or reluctant to do the things I want to do and I know the difference between reckless enthusiasm and a passionate interest.

When you think about it, I have the perspective of about half my life to know there is another half out there that needs filling. Now I think I know how I want to fill it. I have been able to set a few goals in the last month or so. I have set some short and long term goals. So I know what I want, when I want to get it and how to get it. 

Friday, April 8, 2011

Today’s Complaint

I’m in need of an employee at the Coffee Grounds. Whenever we have an opening the floodgate of applicants will open up. There are a number of things that just baffle me about this process. Honestly, I can’t believe we are turning out high school graduates that can’t fill out an application and we are turning out a lot of college students or college grads who can’t either!

There is always one person who knows me, one of my family members or a friend of mine who will stop me and assume they have the job once they have said hi. No filling out applications, no interview; they will just say “I’m interested in that job” and “I’ll take it, I can start A.S.A.P.” The worst offenders are my son’s friends. They think I should just fall over and hire them for any position that is open.

My oldest son overheard a conversation at ISU. Several people were talking about needing jobs when one person said that his “good friend” owns the Coffee Grounds. So evidently this “good friend” of mine went on to explain that they should go see me because I was hiring.

There are always those people who ask if they can fill out an application. The answer is always yes. We hand them an application and their next request is: “can I borrow and pen?”  Seriously, you are going out to job hunt knowing you will have to fill out applications and you can’t carry your own pen? Why should I even consider hiring you if you aren’t prepared enough to carry a pen? The same goes for asking for the phone book while filling out and application so they can look up the address of a previous place of employment, BE PREPARED PEOPLE!

I love when I read applications and find things like: “Referred by:” with my name listed as who referred them. I didn’t refer them for the job. Or when people write under special skills things like: “I’m  very good with people” or “Being Friendly.” Really; these are your “special” skills? I though they taught this type of stuff to everyone in kindergarten? So I’m to assume that they received these “special” skills of “being friendly” from some other place. I wonder how they can enlighten the rest of us with these “special skills?” The all- time best “special skill” is N/A! What the hell kind of an answer is N/A?

Probably the richest and most valuable information on an employment application is in the Job History area. Oh this area is very rich with pearls of wisdom and insight. The “reason for leaving” section will amaze most with he answers that some will give.  When I see answers like “Bad management, disagreement with management or boss was unreasonable,” these are usually code for they didn’t like the boss because he/she expected them to do their job. “Customer’s rude or unreasonable” is a good indicator they shouldn’t be hired to work with the public. “I worked too many hours” which is code for I didn’t want to work very many hours so. All of these things are red flags to me.

There are a few common reason for applicants listing they left a job. The most common is the “bad management” reason. Another really common one is “left due to illness” and when you call this former employer they will tell you the “illness” was that the applicant was sick of working. I have seriously read on a number of applications that the reason for leaving was “my mom (or dad) made me quite.” Since when do any kids listen to their parents? Obviously when it gets them out of working!

Seriously, I have never had anyone write: “I was fired because of being late several times in a row” or “fired because I screwed up.”    You can always set the correct expectations if you know up front the issues that a potential employee may have. If a person isn’t whiling to tell the truth they will not be a good employee. I suppose the truth is always relative to who is telling it and what their perception of the truth is. I am more whiling to consider the person I think screwed up but was honest on their ap then the one who I’m pretty sure lied.

Another thing about job experience is when I see huge gaps of time between jobs. There will be months between their last job and the one before it. Am I not supposed to read the application and notice you have had four jobs in the past 5 years and only worked 9 months. Or the applicant list four jobs but all them have been in the last nine months at an average of two months each, what does that indicate.

I have had people ask for an application while texting on their phone. Ask for an application and answer the phone before I could give them the application. Hello, can you put your phone down for just a few minutes. And do you have to go job hunting with a friend? Do you need someone to hold your hand?  

Advertising for an experienced employee can be a challenge. In our case I will advertise for an experienced barista, not every time but occasionally. It takes a few weeks to train an employee to be a barista. There are times that we do not have the time to train so we look for experienced. I would rather hire and train but sometimes you just can’t do that. When we are looking for experience most of the applicants that have no experience will list the fact that they like coffee as one of their “special skills.” Now, I’m sorry… just because you like coffee it doesn’t make you qualified to be a barista. I mean, I could say that I like peanuts but that doesn’t make me qualified to be a peanut farmer!

Next, the applicant finishes and expects an interview on the spot. This is always frustrating because I haven’t even looked at their application to see if I want to interview them. Seriously, why waste their time if I don’t think they have what we need for an employee?

How about the parents call on behalf of their children? I’m always shocked by this one. I will get a phone call from a parent whom I don’t know, that will explain their kids situation and ask details of the job such as hours, pay, etc. What the hell? If your kid is so lazy they won’t look for a job for themselves then you think I want to hire them?

Then you go to the interview process and decide to hire a candidate. You make an offer to them after explaining every detail of the job i.e. day they will work, hours they will work, pay, etc. only to have them accept the job and then tell you they can work half the shifts you told them they would be working? Now, during the interview process you have given candidate great detail about the job, schedule and even ask if that is a schedule they can work…but then when they turn around and tell you otherwise after you offer the job.

I guess my point is that most people need some real soft skills training. We need to explain in detail just some basic educate. What to put on an application. How to be prepared to fill out those applications.