Funny Things

The following is a list of things have read or seen, or something someone forwarded to me in an email. Everybody has seen these types of things, typos from a church bulletin, newspaper report, etc. These just happen to be a few of my favorites. I followed each one with my own observation.

·         While out on the road several years ago I opened a fortune cookie that read: “Don’t Panic.”  (I just remember thinking what the hell do you mean don’t panic?  Was the food poison or something!)

·         Someone sent me this to me, it is from a patient’s records. The Doctor wrote: “the patient refused an autopsy.”  (At least this person was asked prior to the autopsy!)

·         Another Dr. Note was: “Patient has no prior history of suicide.” (I want to meet the person with a history of committing suicide)

·         The Church Bulletin mistakes are always some of my favorites... like this one: “This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.” (Man, our church could’ve used a Mrs. Lewis to living things up a bit!)

·         Another Church Bulletin: “The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.”  (The only church around were they want you to give your offering in cash and all singles!)

·         Last Church Bulletin: “For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”  (Well there was this one time in Tijuana…!)

·          A teacher tells about a note she received from a parent: “Dear School: Please excuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.”  (Thank god he didn’t miss the 34^th)

·         Another note from a parent to a teacher: "Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating." (Jim is just going to have to leave Gloria alone today.)

·         Classified ad: "Great Dames for sale." (Is that even legal here?)(No, we wouldn’t want to be selling the “just okay” Dames.)

·         Classified ad: "Lost Cocktail." (Where did you last have your cocktail Bob?)

·         Last Classified ad: "Wanted. Hunting rifle, suitable for teenagers." (You know…you can’t just use any rifle to hunt teenagers…)

·         Newspaper Headline: "Youth Hit By Train Is Rushed To Two Hospitals" (we thought his treatment would have been better if we left him split in two pieces)

·         Newspaper Headline: "School Praised After Vandalism" (Hey, every school should be known for something!)