There was just a commercial on TV for an airline. The premise is that two co-workers are traveling on sales meetings to see clients or prospective clients. The one salesperson continually uses the buzz word “win-win.” This got me thinking about all the business buzz words I heard during my corporate career. There were times that I would have rather gouged my eyes out then have to sit through another meeting full of overused buzzwords or phrases. Here is a short list, I do mean short because I could write pages and pages of them.
Action items – as in we have a list of things that need done to complete the damn project.
Accountability – as if we are all running around willy nilly with no supervision whatsoever.
Benchmark, benchmarking, or benchmarks – as in something we need to use to measure our success or lack of.
Big picture - Good lord...this word should have been used for a drinking game.
Brainstorm or brainstorming - Usually means: "We are stumped and can't figure out what to do next!"
Bucketize – We are going to lump projects, customers, products and or problems into groups and call it “bucketizing the ____!” Now it sounds so much, much cooler.
Buy-in – As in we need everyones buy in.
Champion when it is used as a verb or “who will champion this project?” Instead of: "who will do the damn job?" oooo, Bob is the "champion" of the project, yeah Bob!
Client or customer focused – as if we were not customer focused we had to be reminded of this.
Core competencies – I just vomited in mouth when I remember how much this phrase was used.
Drill down – As is drill down the numbers, drill down the data, drill down...drill d............
Drop back and punt – I really hated sports phrases. It was always the jock that had the biggest arsenal of them too.
Downsize – Upsize.
Enable
Empower – if I had a nickel for each time I heard this phrase….
Fast-track – As in gotta make it happen so we will “fast-track” it but really it still take just as long to get it done but we said "fast track" so everyone will think we are working really, really, really hard!
Game changing or Game Changer – Usually used by the dumb jock when realized he made a mistake in his business plan or white paper and now has to cover up for that fact.
Glass is half full or glass is half empty. Nothing to say!
Goal-orientated – NO…I’m not goal orientated, I have no goals, no plans, nothing in mind at all. I don’t want to accomplish a damn thing.
Heavy lifting – usally used by the guy or lady who felt as if they were the only one doing the work or doing the hard work.
Impact…!!!
In the loop – as in “keep me in the loop!” I always wanted to say: “nope, we’re leaving you in the dark on this one!”
Leadership… Nope not a leader in the bunch!
Leading or cutting edge – used when we really think we got something good or when or competition was kicking our ass and we’re actually being honest.
Low hanging fruit – as in the easy sales, easy job to complete…Good phrase if you own an apple orchard.
Low risk high yield or return
Matrix …bla, bla, bla….
Mindset
Mission Critical – the most crucial aspect of the job! As if we couldn’t figure it out, thanks for the “buzz word!”
Monetize – Can we monetize it? how can we say we want to put a cost to it other than saying: “can we put a cost to it?”
Networking -
Not rocket science…nothing we ever did was!
On the same page – just want to make sure we all agree.
Opportunity when it is really a problem we are talking about…it sounds better when we call it an “Opportunity.”
Out of the loop
Out of the box – Oh no, I’m going to try thinking about the same old ideas and nothing new.
Ownership – Yup, it is my project, they are my clients and yes this is my problem!
Paradigm – just overused…bla, bla!
Peel the onion/layers of the onion – One of my favorites… “Let us just take a minute to peel the onion back!”
Ramp up – Instead of getting ready too or preparing too.
Regroup – as in we screwed up and now we have a problem we need to fix.
Rubber stamp – Yup, the boss, corporate or customer okayed it
Synergy or synergize – We have something in common, common goals or services that might just be complimentary to each other.
Touch base – I will talk to you or talk to him or her…
Turn key
Train wreck – It is FUBAR
Value added – We giving something to the customer for free that they will not really appreciate… and we know it…so we say it is “value added” hoping we can make ourselves feel better about giving it away for free!
White board – “We’ll white board it!” Another way to say brainstorm and a way to waste a perfectly good few hours listening to the jock use sports metaphors to impress the boss.
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