The slowest golfer in the world
Pop played a lot of golf. We always said that it was never too hot or it never rained on the golf course. I played a lot of golf with Pop and his buddies. You couldn’t poke around or they would get irritated with you. One of the guys who occasional played with them was slow…really slow. There isn’t a way to fully describe this guy’s lack of urgency. I will not say this guy’s name, I like this guy and so did my dad. We will call him Harry.
Now Harry had a routine; he would step on to the tee box, plant his ball, couple of practice swings and then line up or at least attempt to line up. Once harry lined up he would drive the ball, watch it till it came to a complete stop. Harry would then walk leisurely back to his bag, wipe his club off, replace the club cover, wipe his hand off and then and only then would he be ready to walk down the fairway.
One day my dad was getting impatient with Harry’s slow pace. Pop had rented a cart, he had been fighting cancer at this point in his life and couldn't walk the course. Anyway, everyone had taken their drives and pop encouraged Harry to get on the fender of the cart so he could take him to his drive. Harry agreed and off they went. Now pop had an ornery streak and so do I so I understand why he did this.
Pop had enough of Harry’s slow play and figured he would do something about it. On the left side of the fairway was an area of ground that held water regardless of the weather. It had to be pretty dry for this area to not have standing water. As pop headed down the fairway as fast as he could he drove the cart directly through the center of this standing water. Remember Harry is sitting on fender and he is pulling his clubs behind the electric cart. Harry and his clubs were soaked. Pop said when the cart came to a stop Harry didn’t say a word, he just headed back to his car. I guess Harry was made at Pop for the rest of that golf season!
Mosquito Attack
Years ago Rae Park, a local public golf course in our home town, had an outhouse on the 14 or 15 hole. This is a par three hole runs next to the greens keeper shed. My bothers Robin and Perry, my dad and I were playing golf. Pop was older and had reached the age where he was not capable of passing by a restroom. We all hit from the tee box and started walking to green.
Pop heads for the outhouse. He enters outhouse with the familiar slam of a screen door with a spring closer. We assume this will be a routine bathroom break for the old man but that wasn’t the case.
Pop had only been in the outhouse long enough to unzip his pants and start his business when a stream of profanity began to flow through the air. We heard the screen door slam shut and watched as pop sprinted from the outhouse. We thought he was being stung by bees based on the way he was waving his hands. Robin yelled at pop, bees? Pop yelled “mosquitos!”
We all rushed over to help him when I noticed his pants were soaked. I ask what hell had happened in the outhouse and why are his pants all wet? Pop explain that he went in, unzip his pants, started doing his business when the mosquitos flew up from the tank area and started to swarm him. He said he let go of himself to swat the mosquitos away, when he did his male part went back into his pants. He was too busy trying to get out of the outhouse to try stopping the flow…and anyway at his age once you start you don’t want to stop. We had one hell of a laugh about this one at the expense of pop....several times. I still laugh thinking about his wet khaki pants. The thing is he loved golf so much he just kept playing and by the time we hit the 18th green they were dry.
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