A few stories from the road.

My “real” job took me to 47 states and two countries. I traveled 40 plus weeks per year. Here are a few short stories from the road:

·         I was on a flight from Seattle to St. Louis where I would connect to Indy. The pilot of the plane, and A320 announced the plane had too much fuel on board and that we would be leaving the gate once some of the fuel had been off loaded from the plane. From the back of the plane I heard a guy yell: “Hell, fill it all the way up! We’ll all pitch in for the gas!”   

·         The rule about hotel reservation was to never book rooms at hotel that had room entrances on the outside of the building. Once in a while we didn’t have a choice and ended up at an older motel but we made it work. One of these occasions had several of us from the same business unit working on a large wholesaler conversation and we all stayed at the same motel. It was an older Fairfield Inn. All the rooms had outside entrances.  Anyway, some of my fellow employees were known to drink a lot on these types of trips and this time was no exception.

Bruce and Steve had left the wholesalers early (about 1:00) to go get a few drinks. As always happened a few drinks turned into a few too many and both the guys were hammered when

they returned to the motel. Both went to their rooms.

The rest of us returned to the hotel about 6:30. Everyone would meet back in the lobby at 7:00 and we would go out for supper. As Jeff and I entered the lobby area of the motel Bruce was standing at the front desk completely naked. The clerk handed Bruce a towel and he quickly wrapped it around his waist. As Bruce stood there in his towel he asked for another room key.

Bruce wouldn’t come clean about what happened until the next morning but it went like this: Bruce was hammered when he got back to his room. He stripped down and laid down on his bed. After sleeping about an hour or so he woke with the urge to urinate. Not really awake or sober he walked out of the motel room door thinking he was heading into the restroom. He said: “Oh, I sobered up really fast when I realized I was facing the parking lot naked!”

·         On another flight the captain announced the time by saying: “The present time is 20 minutes after 9 a.m.” To which a very sarcastic lady next to me said: “For those of you who are just learning to tell time or have never seen a clock that’s 9:20 a.m.”

·         We had a guy that was never happy with his hotel room. His name was Dane. Every time we checked in anyplace you could bank on Dane asking for another room. I really think it was an ego thing with him but regardless he did it every time. Anyway, “Naked Bruce” or “The Streak” as he become known as had checked in before Dane.  Bruce tipped the clerk $50 to put Dane in one of the worst rooms in the hotel and to make sure when Dane ask to be moved he  absolutely got the worst room in the place.  Predictably Dane complained about the first room but never said a word about the second room. Steve, one of the other co-workers hung out with Dane in his second room. Steve said it reeked of smoke smell and was next to the elevator shaft. He said elevator  sounded like a train passing every few minutes.

·         Sitting in the gate area of Atlanta I listened to couple of kids fighting.  These kids were obviously siblings because when the older of the two called the younger a “Dork” the fight was on. Punches began to fly and the mother had to break the fight up. When she asked why they were fighting the younger child said very loudly: “he called me a whales penis.” The older boy denied the charge at which time the younger said: “yes you did, you called me a dork and that is the name of a whale’s penis!” All the mom said was: “you sit over there, you sit over here and never ever say whale’s penis in public again!”

·          Hartsfield/ Atlanta airport was second to Indy as being the airport I was in the most.  Atlanta has an underground tram and/or underground moving sidewalk for passengers to move between terminals, baggage and the main gate.  I had a system for standing while riding on these trams without being knocked off my feet by the abrupt stops. I would wedge myself into the window frame at the very back of the tram and lean into the moment of the tram. One day a lady on crutches hobbled onto the tram behind me. She sat on the back window area of the tram next to where I was standing. As we neared the stop for the baggage claim she stood quickly. I knew what was coming next. The tram stopped quickly sending her forward and to her right. As I grabbed for her she turned in my arms coming to rest with her back against my midsection and I was hanging on to her by her breast...both of them.  I know she was embarrassed and I was too. All I could think to say was, “Man people sure are friendly here in Atlanta.”  She said nothing and walked of the tram.